Last week the New York Times informed us that the ever opportunistic MTA is considering proposals to sell the “naming rights” of Subway stations to wealthy corporations (or possibly even extremely vain rich individuals) who would use the repurposed Subway nomenclature to advance their brand and remind us all how much they care.
Rather than reargue the time old philosophical questions of “What’s in a Name?” I thought it might be more helpful to accept this inevitability with a forward thinking attitude and develop a set of rules for the process instead. The benefits for the sponsoring corporations (and rich people) are quite obvious in the form of advertising, brand marketing, and innervation into the New York City lexicon, but I think it’s important that the benefits to Subway riders, the true owners of the MTA, be spelled out in clear detail so we know what to expect.
Here is a set of pre-requisite rules which would allow Taco Bell Station (and all renamed stations) to achieve its full potential for both corporate benefactor and Subway user.
1) The corporate sponsor shall provide a full-time, minimum wage + 50 percent (starting salary), 24 hour sanitation and janitorial service to its named station. This service will be held to a standard of cleanliness modeled after the Hong Kong and Singapore underground systems to ensure a pleasant and foul-odor-free experience to riders each and every day.
2) The corporate sponsor shall install state of the art speaker and public announcement systems in its named station staffed by multi-lingual round the clock attendant in a dedicated communications booth.
3) The corporate sponsor shall install an air conditioning and climate control system in its named station capable of digital regulation of temperature and humidity levels within the station to a range of 68 to 76 degrees Fahrenheit year round 24 hours a day.
4) Before a renaming ceremony may take place the corporate sponsor must resurface and/or replace all fixtures, tiling, surfacing, and aesthetic installations using modern wear resistant materials similar to those used in updating the Parisian Metropolitan with an eye for preserving the look of the subway’s historical dignity.
5) The corporate sponsor must itself sponsor a local artist to create a new sculpture or piece of architectural art to be installed in the station and agree to commission another for every 10 years that that Subway bears the name of the corporation (or wealthy benefactor).
6) The corporate sponsor shall employ at any given time in a 24 hour period a minimum of two dedicated security officers to patrol and ensure the safety of riders at their station.
7) The corporate sponsor shall redesign existing and build from scratch where appropriate state of the art information booths to dispense up to the minute data to riders with interactive maps and displays to redirect passengers during system changes if the need arises.
8) The corporate sponsor will donate to a fund set aside to keep and maintain adjacent subway stations (including all relevant stations through which a subway must enter or leave from when departing or arriving at “named” subway station for every line the ‘named’ station services). This provision is not applicable if the adjacent subway station is also a corporate ‘named’ station.
9) The corporate sponsor will donate a band new, state of the art, subway car to the line(s) which its station services for every 10 years the “naming rights” are recognized starting in year one.
10) The corporate sponsor shall install LCD Televisions (minimum 42 inches) for every 100 feet of subway station platform for information dispersal and entertainment purposes. These televisions are prohibited from running advertisements for doctors’ services, pawn shops, homeopathic remedies, pharmaceuticals, anal leakage counseling, vaginal reconstruction, pyramid schemes, land deals, politicians, or gambling institutions.
Normally the idea of renaming something after its official christening would be an idea abhorrent to my sense of tradition. People are still trying to figure out if the Freedom Tower is actually still called the Freedom Tower, and yesterday (in a moment of confused identification) I heard someone refer to it as “that thing over there.”
But after reading over these rules for corporate sponsorship and seeing the ultimate benefit to subway riders, I support this idea 110 percent. It will help to bring the MTA in line with the world’s modern transportation networks allowing the NYC Subway to sit more proudly next to systems in Paris, London, Tokyo, Madrid, Berlin, Amsterdam, Hong Kong, Singapore, Buenos Aires, and Sydney. Corporate sponsors advance their brand and riders receive the upgrades they long believed could never be possible. It’s win-win for all parties involved!
I intend to be there for the grand re-opening of Taco Bell Station, as a new and magnificent chapter in the history of a proud, but somewhat misguided institution.
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A 21st Century Subway
This slideshow is a series of images taken in one day of riding the Subway from the point of view of a tourist, someone who does not live in New York City and never has. It reflects the current nature of the network in the 21st century as viewed by a concerned traveler. Every year millions of travelers leave the 21st century transportation systems they know in their home nations and come to experience ours, the pride of New York City from over 100 years ago.
What’s in a Name?
The MTA has considered renaming certain subway stations after corporate sponsors with deep enough pockets to afford the privilege. To some individuals the idea of renaming something for no other reason than to make a buck is an abhorrent idea. Others see opportunity in the slim chance the cash infusion would make the system a more functional place.
American Pride
New York City is undoubtedly a contributor to a sense of American Pride. It’s the city most foreign travelers want most to visit, and sadly the one they often find themselves most disappointed in upon arrival. The American flag stamped on the sides of subway cars illustrates ownership of the system as an American creation. How we upkeep that system reflects on who we are as a nation.
A Sauna
Climate control exists in many of the world’s subway systems but not in New York City. In the summer stations can become veritable saunas with temperature and humidity levels reaching the limits of human tolerance. Business travelers who dare to take the subway often show up for work shirts drenched in sweat as if they took a shower in them.
What What?
Subway announcements are often likened to the voice of the teacher in the Charlie Brown television cartoon. Almost no information is audible and for rare or first time users it’s little more than a sad contribution to background noise.
Equipment Malfunction
It sometimes seems like the number of functional escalators in the MTA system equals or underperforms the number of malfunctioning escalators. I’m not sure if the MTA publishes data on escalator function for any given day (operating at 40% escalation, or operating at 75% escalation), but it’s worth considering as a way to boost riders spirits.
How Many Rats?
Can you count the number of rats in this image? It’s not a trick question!
Subway Exposure
I’ve never been a fan of exposed wires in any public space. It’s just too tempting for those of us lacking self control. The ones who need to be saved from themselves, or just those under the age of accountability.
I’ll Believe it When I See It
Plaques announcing subway improvements appear all over the MTA system attempting to dampen the argument that ‘nothing ever improves in the Subway’ or justify the argument that ‘riders need to pay more for better service.’
Urinary Leakage
The MTA decides what advertisements run in the Subway System and what revenue that will generate. Other systems in the world follow the same structure. In Paris it’s common to see ads for upcoming movies, a new fragrance, or popular citywide events. In New York you can also see ads of that nature in addition to those on urinary leakage, psychic services, and vaginal reconstruction.
Actual Leakage
Even during the driest of droughts there are always puddles of stagnant water to be found throughout the subway from various sources of leakage. “Wet Floor” signs are rarely used because the everyday New Yorker is prepared to assume every floor is a wet floor.
More Leakage
Exposed piping is a unique “feature” of the New York Subway, one could even argue it’s urban chic. Over time though these urban fixtures tend to look like scenes from Ridley Scott’s emAlien/em.
Please Put Your Litter Into Trash Cans
We’re all familiar (or least you will be at some point) with ‘stoppages’ on MTA network due to track fires. Paper and other flammables such as “Planned Service Change” announcements can become dangerous pieces of litter costing riders valuable time and the system valuable dollars. Please put your litter into trash cans!
The Low Tech Answer
In an homage to the Subway System of the 20th Century, the MTA uses Paper Announcements to inform riders of scheduled changes to the services provided. Sadly these piece of paper sometimes fall onto the subway tracks, and well, we know what can happen then.
Focusing Attention on the Obvious
A wise person once said that “the obvious can never be too overstated.” It’s very true that riding the New York City Subway system is not an excuse to begin fondling other passengers just because you paid for the ability to be there.
Consult the Map
Visitors unfamiliar with the complexities of the New York Subway often have to consult the map in order to find their way around Manhattan and the other places they wish to travel to. Sight seeing is a big part of the NYC economy and maps are a critical tool travelers use to find their way around the different parts of the city where they spend their tourist dollars.
Most Popular Trash
If a strategy to rename the subway stations after corporate sponsors goes through it might be wise for the sponsors in food/beverage/consumables who wish to partake to take over naming of the stations where they can find the most trash that fits their brand. They could concentrate their efforts on stations where their logo is already a visible and recognizable regularity.
Excuse My Question
Graffiti, like most forms of art, can tell us something about our culture. Was this a message from a disgruntled foreign visitor or just a fed up New Yorker looking to express his or her grief using the medium of a white-out bottle. We’ll never know, but there’s a take away message here somewhere.
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The Benefits of Renaming the New York Subway
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