Flight Of Goeing-Goeing 007 From Hula-Hula To Pong Pingulahulaul-Hu

[ Attn: TOP SECRET REPORT FROM UTT(Under the Table) to YNW (You No Who). This is a verbatim Transcript. For your Eyes Only.]

Mayday, Mayday…. calling Mutta-la. This is Flt No 007 Goeing-Goeing from Hula Hula to Pong Ping. We are almost out of fuel. This plane is being hijacked. I’ll put you on to the chief hijacker.

Hallo, Hallo Mutta-la, We want to land there and re-fuel. Hullo, hullo, Mutta… we want to land and re-fuel——

Bloody hell they are not responding. Mutta-la, Mutta-la……….

(A voice breaks in) Hallo. Hallo. This is Wattala. Radio patrol car Wattala. Not Mutta-la. Can we help you?

Do you have a runway and enough fuel to fill up a Goeing-Goeing?

Wattala: We have plenty of runaways. All bloody rascals run away from home and probation homes. But we can’t give them to anyone. Navi Pillai and UNHCR will play hell. This is a police station. Why not try Colombo Rajapaksa-Bandaranayake-Katunayake (CRBK) International……

Mayday, Mayday………calling CRBK-Int.  This is pilot of Flt OO7 from Hula Hula to Pong Ping. We are being hijacked. Hijacker will talk to you.

Hijacker: Hallo, Hallo we want landing facilities and fuel to tank up a Goeing- Goeing. If not we will crash into your city.

CRBK (Int): This airport is closed. Closed for the past two days. Don’t you know the Geneva Conference on Lanka is on. Ministers and their entourages are flying in and out. When one minister comes in, another flies out. This is Sri Lankan shuttle diplomacy. No. You can’t land. No flight plan filed. No, no. CRBK (Int) closed until further notice. No hellung, pol mallung. Try Mutta-la our alternate airport.

Mayday, Mayday, calling Mutta-la, calling Mutta-la…….

Hullo,Hullo, this is not Mutta-la but Pitt-ala junction – radio car stationed at Pitt-ala junction between Flower Road and Dharmapala Mawatha…….

This is Goeing-Goeing flying from Hula-Hula to Pong Ping. We are out of fuel. Is there an airport nearby?

I shay, this is Kollupitiya police. Are you some undergrads who have stolen a police radio and trying to mislead us to enter the high security zone and go to Temple Trees? Don’t try to be funny mister. We have imported a fifty-million-rupee water cannon truck here just for fellows like you. We don’t want to use it today because your crowd is too small………

Goeing-Goeing calling Mutta-la, Callng Mutta-la are you receiving me?

Hello,Hello This is Mutta-la. Please identify yourself. We don’t have your flight plan.

Goeing-Goeing: We have been calling you for over an hour. No response.

Sorry. Sorry. We were watching on TV our team play in Bangladesh. We won the Asia Cup, you know. Great thing no?  We are also going to be T-20 champs

Hijacker: Who the hell is worried about your cricket? We are coming in to land and fill up our tanks. Clear the runway for us.

Mutta-la: You can’t land. One Ayah Flight is on the runway about to take off to Dubai. Another Ayah flight from Amman will land in half hour. Ayahs are vital to our economy. Keeps our balance of payments within range…….HuHu

Hijacker: Keep your darling Ayahs and peacocks off the runway. If not we will begin shooting passengers and the crew….

Matta-la: Hullo, hullo hold on. I will ask our Prasedeshiya Sabha Chairman and other VIPs whether to give you permission to land. You can circle around Mutta-la. It is beautiful. International cricket stadium, world famous harbour, tourist hotels, wild life…..

Hijacker: If you don’t stop your guided tour and let me land in five minutes, I will crash my plane into your paradise.

Matta-la: My god no. I will get sacked. Give time for our bosses respond.

(After afew minutes) Matta-la: My bosses say you will have to tell Ban-Ki-Moon to drop the resolution against Sri Lanka at Geneva if he wants to save the passengers. If not he will be held responsible for the fate of passengers. If the resolution is dropped, you can land.

(A few minutes later) Hijacker: Hullo, hullo Ban Ki says it’s done.

I will be landing soon. Keep the fuel trucks lined up.

Minutes pass and the voice of the hijacker comes in. Hullo Mutta-la. I have decided not to come in. A passenger in the plane is from Singapore and he says that Singapore sells contaminated fuel to you. The Goeing-Goeing may crash with your contaminated fuel.

Mutta-la: That fellow who told you about that cock and bull about our fuel must be a UNP plant.

Hijacker: We are flying elsewhere.

Mutta-la: Where?

Hijacker:  Between Sri Lanka and the deep blue sea into the South Pole. We had a reserve stock on board in case the airlines executives wanted to divert regular flights to pick up their families.

Flight Of Goeing-Goeing 007 From Hula-Hula To Pong Pingulahulaul-Hu